How I Learned To Ride
by ChuckyDoll
Summary: Of all the moments Lily shared with Jonas, who had been missing for two weeks now, being taught to ride her bicycle had been by far her favorite. It was in those moments when she saw Jonas smiling and felt more grown up in the way she wanted to. A certain type of unwanted maturity wanted to grow inside young Lily when she noticed just how much Jonas changed.


_The children all received their bicycles at Nine; they were not allowed to ride bicycles before then. But almost always, the older brothers and sisters had secretly taught the younger ones. Jonas had been thinking already about teaching Lily. (Page 13)_

* * *

Lily tugged at her braids playfully while the rest of her family was eating their Evening Meal. On her plate lay some leafy vegetables, some salmon, and some potatoes (or some other sort of _starch_, which one of Lily's older friends had mentioned in school) that she had barely put a dent in. Normally, she would have gobbled down the potatoes and salmon, leaving behind the leafy greens that seemed to taste like bad medicine. Now, she was thinking about her older brother, who was rubbing his left leg and wincing. He had barely eaten as well and dark circles were starting to form underneath his funny eyes. Physically, he was there. Somehow, in a way that eight-year-old Lily couldn't understand, he was somewhere else, far away. Lily reached out to poke him playfully and he turned, giving a weak smile. His right hand remained on his forehead, indicating stress, and he closed his eyes for a moment longer than he should have. She poked him again and he groaned tiredly, casting his head down. Lily did not like this.

"Jonas," Mother said. "Your turn for the Telling of Feelings."

"Oh," he said, shaking his head slightly, as if distracted. "School work is becoming a bit more demanding."

"That's all?" Lily asked skeptically.

"That's all."

"Thank you, Jonas," Father said. "For sharing tonight."

Lily ate another bite of her salmon and kicked her legs playfully under the table. Father was busy feeding Gabriel, who had the same funny eyes as Jonas. Lily observed and compared the two. Gabriel's eyes seem to beam with the lightheartedness of a newchild while Jonas's eyes seemed... old? Lily rejected the word, as it did not seem to convey what she was seeing in her older brother. She bit her lip and thought some more. _Smart_? No. She looked at his brother's eyes again, noticing the solemn expression on his face, and came up with a better word, if not perfect. _Wise_, she thought. _Wise and tired_. She started to wonder what it would feel like to be wise and tired, but decided not to ask him, as it might be considered rude. From what she remembered, Jonas, as well as everyone else in the community, did not enjoy being singled out and asked a personal question. These musings only took seconds before she remembered another odd thing that happened.

* * *

Lily had been looking for Gabriel's comfort object when she walked into Jonas's sleeping room. He was toying with it affectionately, much to her confusion. She chuckled at him while she stood in his doorway.

"Aren't you too old for comfort objects?"

Jonas was startled at her comment for reasons that she couldn't comprehend and she stepped back, feeling guilty for causing such a reaction. Once he had seen her discomfort, however, he reassured her and she stepped into his room, wondering what he was doing with the Hippo. _Hippo_, she had thought. _What a funny word._ She had muttered the word aloud, which seemed to please Jonas, and she said it again. It made him smile.

"One is never too old for comfort, Lily," he had informed her.

"Just comfort objects," she had replied, prompting a soft chuckle.

"Come here, Lily," Jonas said. He motioned and she sat on his bed, puzzled.

Jonas wrapped her arms around her with care and she looked at her surroundings. Jonas's sleeping room was very much like her own: some drawers for clothes, a desk for working, a bed for sleeping, and extra space to move around, if one so desired. She noticed that Jonas was nuzzling her shoulder and squirmed, which saddened the older boy, and she started to worry.

"You need a comfort _person," _she muttered and he nodded, kissing her shoulder and letting her go.

"Jonas?" Father had asked as he stood in Jonas's doorway. "What are you doing with Gabriel's comfort object?"

"Nothing," he replied. "I was just thinking of when I was a young child and I couldn't help but look at it. It invoked nostalgia."

_Nostalgia_, Lily thought. _Another funny word._ She muttered the word under her breath, liking the way it felt to say it. It was when Jonas had got up to give Gabriel his comfort object when Lily spotted a folder. She recognized it as the folder Jonas had been given when he was Selected at the last annual Ceremony. Although she knew she shouldn't have looked at it, she used the tip of her finger to open it slightly and saw one rule that she never would have guessed one would have the privilege of following.

_You may lie._

* * *

She had never brought it up, as she didn't want to be chastised for snooping around, so she would try to push the thought away during her classes and Recreation periods. Sometimes, when she volunteered at the Nurturing Center with Father, she would think about that one rule and wondered if Jonas ever lied. She supposed she could ask Father, but he would reproach her. For the same reason, she wouldn't dare ask Mother, who was more strict about the rules. The thought discomforted her, which was partially why she had barely eaten tonight.

Now that she remembered Jonas's right to lie, she started to wonder if he was taking advantage of that now. He was more tired than most Twelves she had seen and as far as Lily understood, they all had the same workload at school. This puzzled the little Eight and she fidgeted before doing something she never did with her brother.

She went up close to his face, cupped her hand around his ear so her parents couldn't read her lips, and accused him of lying.

"Lily," Mother said, concerned. "What did you just whisper?"

"Bicycle riding," Jonas blurted out nervously before calming himself and telling what Lily assumed would be a lie. "She was asking if I could teach her to ride a bicycle. She just whispered because she knew that it was technically against the rules. You know she's been chastised a little more often recently."

Mother laughed. "Lily, it's okay to share that. Most people break that rule anyway."

Jonas patted Lily's head affectionately. "She just wanted to play it safe."

Her parents had accepted Jonas's lie and Lily went to bed, tossing and turning. Of course, part of it could be attributed to Gabriel's crying in the middle of the night, but part of it arose from her own guilt. She knew that to tell a lie was to go against the ideas of the community, which was unspeakable for her. Wasn't that the very reason she and several others had undergone the rigorous training in Precision of Language? Had Jonas been telling the truth, he would have been precise. However, Jonas had lied and Lily did not say anything to her parents. She considered apologizing to Jonas, to Mother and to Father, but somehow, she knew that Jonas would be angry with her for peeking at the rules pertaining to the Receiver of Memory. Lily sighed when Jonas knocked on her door.

"You can come in," she yawned.

Jonas sat on her bed and she scooted over to make room. Lily rubbed her eyes and saw Jonas's back arch over as he sighed. He rubbed his fingers over her hand and she wondered if he was having bad feelings.

"Hi, Lily."

"Hi, Jonas."

"I know that the Ceremony is little more than a month away," Jonas said. "And some of your friends are probably being taught how to ride their bikes."

Lily smiled at the thought of bicycles. At her Ceremony of Eight, she had listened to a long, boring speech about the responsibilities entailed in volunteering and focused on a row of new bicycles for the Nines to ride. She had had to resist the temptation of trying one out. She had tried Jonas's bicycle once before, when he wasn't looking. She had wobbled to one side, pedaled one cycle, and wobbled to the other before she had given up and decided that it was better for Jonas to teach her. Now that he was making the offer, she couldn't pass it up.

"You want to teach me?" she said excitedly, almost forgetting the incident with the lie.

"Tomorrow," he replied. "If I'm not too tired, I will teach you. Would you like that, Lily-Billy?"

She nodded fervently and Jonas smiled, patting her head affectionately. As he left the room, she crawled under her blankets and thought about what it would be like to ride the bike with ease. Hopefully Jonas's mood wouldn't affect his willingness to teach her, otherwise she would _never_ learn. She imagined herself at her Ceremony of Nine, standing beside her friends while they were receiving their bicycles. They would mount them and ride away while she would struggle, much to the embarrassment of her family. Lily thought of a boy named Fritz, who lived next door to them, receiving his bicycle last year and crashing into the podium. She couldn't bear the thought of being compared to such an awkward little boy and hoped that Jonas would be able to teach her tomorrow. Once her anxiety left her, she fell asleep and had no dreams.

* * *

When she came home the following day from Recreation, she anxiously waited for Jonas to come home from his training. Lily tried to focus on her nightly assignments, but she couldn't stop thinking about learning to ride a bicycle. As a result, she didn't finish her assignments as quickly as she normally did. When she finally finished, she saw Father shaking a bottle of formula for Gabriel and looked at the baby.

"Can I feed Gabe?" she asked innocently.

Father smiled at her. "Sure, why not?"

She sat down beside Father and held the bottle of formula to Gabriel's lips. Gabriel took it hungrily and Lily watched the newchild relax as Father held him. The little boy's fists flailed playfully in the air and Lily giggled, tracing her small fingers over his forehead. Some of the formula spilled over the side of Gabriel's mouth and Father withdrew the bottle. Lily looked at the clock. Mother would be home in a few hours. As for Jonas, however, Lily couldn't be so certain. This made her uncomfortable, as she was losing hope that Jonas would teach her to ride her bicycle today.

Just as she began to fret about the issue, Jonas came through the door, looking somewhat tired (but not more than usual). He smiled weakly at Lily, who stood up and rocked where she was. She heard Gabriel giggle in the background.

"Lily-Billy," Jonas said affectionately. "Want to learn to ride?"

"Yes!" she squealed with excitement as she followed him outside.

She noticed many older children riding home and saw Fritz leave his bicycle lopsided instead of being placed neatly in its port. His mother frowned in disappointment as she fixed the young boy's vehicle and Lily focused her attention on Jonas. Her older brother removed his bicycle from his port and motioned for Lily to come forward. Lily trotted over to the left side of the bike, smiling at Jonas.

"Get on," he instructed.

Lily mounted the bike and adjusted her feet to meet the pedals. She tried to push down on her left when Jonas firmly held a handlebar with one hand and the seat with the other. Lily jerked forward slightly and looked at Jonas.

"Wait until I tell you to pedal," he said rather sternly.

Lily rested her feet on the pedals, waiting until she could press down on one of them. Jonas nodded, permitting her to pedal, and she pressed down on them. Jonas helped her steer and the bike inched forward slowly. Lily carefully lifted her feet and pressed down as Jonas guided her on the quiet road. Jonas slowed until they stopped completely and his fingers brushed against her own.

"Now, do you know where the brakes are?" Jonas asked.

Lily nodded and squeezed the brakes on the handlebars. Jonas nodded in approval and pushed the bike forward a little, instructing her to pedal and steer. He trotted beside her as she pedaled slowly and struggled to steer.

"Jonas," she squealed. "I'm doing it. I'm riding!"

Jonas stopped and Lily slowly rode, wobbling a little bit and giggling to herself. She felt that strange nervousness fill her entire being and started to struggle with steering, but with her older brother's encouragement, she regained control quickly. Lily started to feel more grown up as she slowly became more comfortable with the bicycle underneath her.

"Turn around, Lily!" Jonas called from a distance.

Lily steered right and almost fell, had it not for Jonas running to her to make sure she didn't injure herself. He helped her regain control of the bicycle and she rode back to the house. Jonas caught up to her in record time and Lily got off the bicycle, proud of her current accomplishments. When she turned around, she saw Jonas smiling widely.

"You're learning rather quickly, Lily-Billy," Jonas said.

Lily grinned and trotted playfully to her brother. He patted her head affectionately and Lily looked around, seeing no one outside except for Laborers conducting maintenance. The sky was getting darker and Lily tugged on her brother's sleeve.

"Should we be going inside now?" Lily asked.

Jonas appeared distracted. He shook his head, as if surprised, and looked at Lily again.

"Oh, yes, we should."

"Jonas," Lily asked. "Why do you lie?"

Jonas was startled by the question. When she had asked him this, he was facing away from her and walking toward the door. At the exact moment he had heard the last word, he turned around swiftly, his expression revealing confusion, shock and worry. Lily felt a little guilty for asking him, as it was considered rude to ask such a personal question. Accompanying the guilt, however, was a sense of relief, as if a great weight had been lifted off of her shoulders for putting such a matter out in the open. Lily shifted uncomfortably, awaiting an answer.

"I don't lie, Lily," he insisted. "Why would you ask that?"

"Yes, you do," she replied, surprised at her own forcefulness. "You lied last night to Mother and Father. You lied about schoolwork being harder. You're more tired than the other Twelves and you have the same stuff as them. It doesn't make sense. That's how I know you lie."

"Lily, stop it!" he sternly reprimanded.

Lily stopped talking and stubbornly went into the house, refusing to speak with him for the entire night. She noticed how hurt Jonas seemed when she did this, but kept on with it. If she gave up now, she felt she would have lost at whatever she was trying to win. Lily ate hurriedly and went to bed. After she heard everyone else settle down, she finally fell asleep.

Lily wasn't sure whether it was midnight or three in the morning when she woke up to someone's hand on her head. She was barely awake and felt someone gently tapping her there. For some reason that was beyond her own comprehension, she remained still, not wanting to give the impression that she was awake. Just as she tried to evaluate whose hand it was on her hand, she heard Jonas's voice whisper something.

"I'm sorry, Lily-Billy."

* * *

It was the Ceremony of Nine and Jonas had been reported missing for two weeks. Her name was called up and she went to the front of the stage before a female Elder, awaiting the long speech about the responsibilities accompanied with having a bicycle of her own. Once the female Elder finished, Lily shed the ribbons she once used to control her hair. She remembered what a hassle tying up her hair was in the morning. Oftentimes, Mother would sigh in frustration due to her ribbons becoming undone and dangling by the end of the day. Jonas would giggle at Mother's remarks, causing Lily to sneer playfully. Finally, she got her bicycle and practiced riding it just the way Jonas taught her.

Once the Ceremony of Twelve was complete, the Elders made a sorrowful speech of their failure to find Jonas, whom they have dubbed He-Not-To-Be-Named. Lily watched anxiously as the Elders mentioned the painful ordeal that occurred eleven years ago (Lily had no idea what they were talking about) and those who remembered shifted uncomfortably in their seats. One Elder mentioned that this ordeal would far surpass its precedent. After mentioning such a harrowing prediction, the Elders called up biological relatives of her brother, introducing them by name, number, occupation and biological relationship to Jonas. They all had the same funny eyes as Jonas (except for the youngest one) and two of them had frizzy hair, which was just as uncommon as pale eyes. They had been called up to keep order in the community in preparation of the future chaos caused by Jonas's absence. For the first time, Lily started to realize she missed her brother.

The day after, chaos hadn't descended upon them yet, but Lily could see how anxious all the citizens were. The Instructors seemed distracted and the younger children confused, but the community was still functioning as it had before. Today's work had been particularly easy and the Instructor of Nines told them that, for tonight's homework, they had to write a short narrative on something that had happened in their lives. Lily thought it was an unusual assignment, but did it anyway when she returned home after a long day of volunteer work.

Lily would have asked for help had it not been for her parents seeming particularly distracted by whatever was going on currently. Father was still brooding over the fact that Jonas took Gabriel when he fled and Mother was reviewing a case of someone's Release. Lily rocked in her chair, trying to keep her thoughts off of her brother. However, she found it difficult not to think about that time Jonas taught her to ride his bicycle. He had seemed happier than usual when he supervised her and she had felt more mature in learning. Of all the moments she shared with her brother, that was by far her favorite. Smiling at the memory of mastering Jonas's bicycle, she knew she had to write about that for her narrative and wrote the title.

"How I Learned To Ride."


End file.
